March 2010

Be good to yourself.  Stay in the now, stop borrowing trouble that hasn’t come knocking on your door.

Change your attitude by sharing your thoughts and feeling in meetings and in between meetings.  Find creative solutions.  Any problem shared is half a problem.

Take a deep breath, Relax!    There is always time to go to the bathroom!  You don’t have to wait for the fight to be over.

Experience the joy of freedom.   Make a decision to feel it now. It is a state of mind!

Stop identifying the ways that you are different and apart from everyone.  Start looking for the ways that you are the same, be inclusive, only then can you feel a part of!

The worst vice is AD-VICE.  If they ask for your opinion or suggestions, only then is it appropriate to share.

People Come Into Your Life For A Reason

Unknown Author

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support,
To aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are..
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
This person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.

Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons,
Things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.

Your job is to accept the lesson,
Love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant

Thank you for being a part of my life,
Whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime.

I recently received my copy of , The Laundry List: The ACoA Experience by Tony A. and Dan F.   I found it on for under $10, which was an amazing deal, given that I have seen the book listed for over $100 from time to time on there.  So I was really excited when I got it.

I feel that this book represents a vital piece of history in the ACoA Movement.  I get frustrated by the fact that there is so little information available about the co-founder of ACoA.  I understand the need for anonymity but for a group that is adamantly engaged in the process of breaking the Don’t Talk rule of the alcoholic family, I guess I expected someone to be talking about him and the others that have been credited with their own little pieces of the ACoA history.

I am also very curious as to why the ACoA World Service Organization seems to have enacted such a firm separation between themselves and Tony.  Maybe I am wrong about this interpretation, and if you happen to know differently, please enlighten me.

Adult Children of Alcoholics
World Service Organization

2010 Annual Business Meeting

Held  April 23-25, 2010

In Tulsa, Oklahoma

Mark your calendar for the 2010 ABC. The ABC will be held April 23-25, 2010 at UUMC “Great Hall”, 2915 E 5th Street, Tulsa, Oklahoma, USA.

The 2010 ABC Committee is pleased to announce that the next Annual Business Conference of Adult Children of Alcoholics will be held in Tulsa, Oklahoma on the fourth weekend of April 2010. All ACA members are welcome to attend. Each registered ACA group and Intergroup is encouraged to elect one voting delegate to attend the ABC. Only those delegates registering as the authorized representative of their ACA group or Intergroup will be eligible to vote on motions at the ABC.

sarcasm – Word Origin & History:

1579, from L.L. sarcasmos, from Gk. sarkasmos “a sneer, jest, taunt, mockery,” from sarkazein “to speak bitterly, sneer,” lit. “to strip off the flesh,” from sarx (gen. sarkos) “flesh,” prop. “piece of meat,” from PIE base *twerk- “to cut” (cf. Avestan thwares “to cut”). Sarcastic is from 1695. For nuances of usage, see humor.

Online Etymology Dictionary, © 2010 Douglas Harper

In my early days of recovery, I was ever-ready with the witty repartee, or so I thought.  What I really had on the tip of my tongue, were words intended to verbalize my dissatisfaction in a vicious manner, all the while, claiming it was just a joke.  Can’t they take a joke…   It wasn’t until I came across a reading one day in the Alanon daily meditation reader about sarcasm and how we use it to “tear down” the alcoholic in our lives.  It went on to say that the word comes from the Greek word “sarcazo” which means to TEAR FLESH, that it was a form of irony.  And again I said, in a state of shock, “it’s just a joke, can’t they take a joke??”

I was appalled to find that my, at that time, favorite form of communication was really a form of verbal abuse.  A very passive-aggressive form of belittling someone.  Everyone I knew back then used sarcasm and used it well.   It was the place where I found one of my first character defect.

Watching my behavior, and my mouth, became a full time job for a while.  Whenever I wanted to say something sarcastic I would stop and ask myself, “are you really upset with that person?  are you meaning the words that you are saying??”  I found out some interesting things about myself at that time.  Yes, I usually was upset with the person and yes, I usually did mean what I was saying.  All of a sudden it dawned on me, it WASN’T a joke.  I meant all the mean things that I was saying.

Thus began my first venture into making amends.  The way that I chose to make those amends in the very early days of my recovery, was to simply stop the behavior.   If I found myself in a situation where I felt a sarcastic remark would fit well, I stopped and examined why did I want to say something so mean to that person.  I was then able to begin to make new choices in my communication style.  I could choose to walk away and not say anything.  I could choose to find a more direct way of saying what I was upset about.  I could choose to be gentle with myself and the person I was upset with by finding a new way to have a discussion.

As I began shifting my behavior, I also started becoming aware of how much people meant all those snide little remarks that they made and how much I no longer wanted to be the Queen of the Caustic Quip.