ACoA



The Laundry List Kindle Edition    (  <–  click on link to Amazon)

I am so glad to finally be able to share this with everyone!  This is the original book written by Tony A. that began the Adult Children of Alcoholics movement.  This is where you will find the 12 steps that Tony developed.  Tony A.’s life story and how he came to create the ACoA group.  This is available as a Kindle ebook for $9.99.  Please get a copy and enjoy.  Much of the information on this blog was quoted from this book.

Just Lexxie, Chatter’in Again

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I just added a new page to this blog.  It is titled ACA’s and Workplace.  It is a laundry list from the Red Book, pages 417-19, outlining some of the common problems that ACA’s have in the Workplace.  Just another way of identifying some of the problems that we bump up against on a daily basis because of the simple fact of having grown up in an alcoholic or otherwise dysfunctional home.

If it is something that you can relate to, leave a comment.

Lexxie


We started with a coffee pot and 4 people.  Our group is now 8 months old and growing strong with over 14 members on our roster.  Our meetings are averaging 8-10 members a week with 1-2 new members arriving every month. 

We are grateful to another 12-Step fellowship for allowing us to rent meeting space for a nominal fee.  This is helping us to follow the 7th Tradition of being self-supporting. 

While our group is growing, we are having consistent business meetings using the Traditions to give us a strong foundation for out future growth.  Input from all members is welcome at our business meetings.  

Come check us out, we love meeting new people!

Lexxie


NOTES ON ABUSE – EFFECTS OF ABUSE
1. Low or no self-esteem
2. Often feels responsible and blames self
3. Inability to trust self and others (may trust, but trusts wrong people)
4. Sense of worthlessness
5. Isolation
6. Sense of being helpless
7. Strong denial system
8. Low or no body awareness
9. Numb the pain with drinking, drugging, sexing, eating, etc.
10. Physical and medical symptoms – may be a lot of body complaints
11. Prostitution
12. Suicide – taking anger out on self
13. Sense of emptiness
14. Loss of playfulness and spontaneity
15. Many become abusive

“PROTECTIVE” DEFENSES USED TO DEAL WITH ABUSE
These defenses interfere with developing relationships on an adult level.
1. Silence
2. Denial – may be believing it’s not happening
3. Dissociation – “becoming the spot on the ceiling”
4. Numb feelings
5. Change feelings – from anger to ______________
6. Change meaning of abuse – child may be told, “This is good for you”, so child may think “Doesn’t
this happen to all kids?”
7. Isolation – stay away from home, etc.

RECOVERY FROM ABUSE
1. Share your story – you don’t need to deal with pain alone
2. Believe your story – you have a tendency to discount
3. Establish perpetrator responsibility – recognize it isn’t about you
4. Address the addictions used to numb the pain
5. Realize you can deal with the pain without mood altering substances
6. Learn to recognize, then accept, and then communicate feelings
7. Learn to nurture yourself
8. Build self-esteem and positive body image (affirmations)
9. Deal with family of origin – break the code of secrecy – by writing and talking with other people
10. Learn to be playful
11. Learn that now you do have a chance to live, you do have choices – YOU NEED NOT BE A
VICTIM
12. Take back your power – act responsibly, set boundaries that feel comfortable, control sexual
behavior – you can control who enters your life
13. Remind yourself of your strengths
14. Learn you can say “No”
15. Learn to give and receive criticism
16. Stop abusing others

Taken from the ACA WSO website


Memorial Day….    What does that mean???

I had this vague idea, but not being a history buff of any kind, I had to go look it up…  Google is my Friend!  lol

Memorial Day was originally about honoring the soldiers who died during the Civil War to preserve the United States of America.  As time went on and other major wars were fought, Memorial Day Observances were expanded to include ANY American soldier who fought and died for his country.  Who “Gave His All”, is how they said it.  But, what about the soldiers who in many ways “Gave His All” and still managed to come home alive.  The ones they called “shell-shocked”.

Taken from WiseGeek:

[http://www.wisegeek.com/what-is-shell-shock.htm]

The term “shell shock” was used during the First World War to describe the acute stress reactions displayed by many soldiers in the battlefield. When unaddressed, short-term combat stress reactions can lead to more prolonged problems, like post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). The study of combat stress reactions has advanced significantly since the First World War, when soldiers with shell shock were commonly treated as malingerers who were attempting to get out of the fighting.

Several things are signs of shell shock. Most commonly, soldiers seem disoriented and unable to focus. They may also experience a number of autonomic nervous system reactions like shaking, nightmares, twitching, headaches, fatigue, insomnia, dizziness, anxiety, and irritability, among others. The rate of combat stress reactions tends to go up as the rate of injuries and deaths increases. In the trenches of the First World War, the 10% casualty rate was devastating, and rates of combat stress reactions were extremely high.

Sadly, many ACOA’s understand all too well, what it is probably like in a combat zone, only they called it “home”.  Growing up in a dysfunctional home, whether that be with an alcoholic, an addict, an obsessive perfectionist, a rage-aholic, or whatever else made “home” feel like a war zone, many of us get it…

Like the soldiers accused of cowardice, we too were sent back to the front lines every day.  We had no escape either.  Many were told, “just get over it”, or “stop faking it” or any other of an endless stream of remarks designed to diminish what we were feeling, to shut us up, to make us doubt ourselves and our reactions.  ….   Just like the soldiers with shell shock or PTSD.

Thank God for 12 Step Programs!

Just Lexxie, Chatterin’ Again!


I just added a page about the 8th trait in the Laundry List, our addiction to excitement.  It gave me something to think about, a different view of how things go in my life.  While I was putting that page together the following came to me.  Just thought I would share.

When someone says to me, “same ole, same ole”, or “nothin’ much happenin'”, or “nothin’ goin’ on but the rent”, I used to think, how boring your life must be!  But I am beginning to view this in a new light.  I think this is my new goal for my life, to be boring, to be serene, to be stable and consistent.  To release my addiction to “excitement”.  To release my “need for speed” in my life.  To find it comforting when everything is taken care of in such a way that it seems effortless, stress-less, calm, ordinary.  Take care of things as they come up rather than letting them accumulate into a mountain that takes lots of effort to take care of.  If I do a little bit here and a little bit there, it all gets done.  I can become one of those “boring people” whose lives just flow.  There are no mad dashes to complete a task.  There is no guilt or shame because I’m late …  again…

What an amazing way to live life!  With minimal excitement, fear, shame, guilt, embarrassment.  Not boring, just on an even keel.

Yeah, I think this is a goal I would like to pursue….

Just Lexxie, Chatterin’ Again!


Yesterday, all I got done was posting a copy of the Serenity Prayer, but today I would like to share why it is so important to me. 

When I first got into recovery, I had some pretty big things going on in my life.  My marriage was falling apart and I was falling apart.  In the beginning, it seemed as though the only place I could find where I could actually take a deep breath and relax for a few minutes was when I was sitting in a meeting.  Needless to say, I made it to as many meetings as I could find back then. 

One of the first tools of the program that I grabbed hold of was the Serenity Prayer.  I used it in those moments, hours, days, when I had no clue what else to do or how to go about finding any answers.  I would use it as a mantra, I would chant it, I would reduce it to a 3 word prayer.  Serenity, Courage, Wisdom, Serenity, Courage, Wisdom, Serenity, Courage, Wisdom…..  Until the tears would stop, until I could breathe again, until I could shift gears and let go of the trauma of the day.  The Serenity Prayer was my anchor when it seemed as though there was nothing else that I could hold on to.    It was short enough that I could remember it even when my brain seemed to have slipped all its’ gears and be functioning on autopilot.  Yet, it was meaningful enough to get through to me.  I would know that the storm had passed when I would take that first shuddering breath and could feel my body beginning to relax.  Thank you God!  This too has passed…

Just Lexxie, Chatterin’ Again…

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