First off, let me say, CoDA [Codependents Anonymous] doesn’t technically have a “Laundry List”. They call it simply “Patterns and Characteristics of CoDependence”, but that just didn’t work for for me as a page title. What follows is the list found on the www.coda-uk.org website.
Patterns and Characteristics of Co-Dependence
We suggest that it might be helpful to think of the notations: always, usually, sometimes or never, as one evaluates each item on the checklist.
- I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling.
- I minimize, alter or deny how I truly feel.
- I perceive myself as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well being of others.
Low Self-Esteem Patterns:
- I have difficulty making decisions.
- I judge everything I think, say or do harshly, as never ‘good enough’.
- I am embarrassed to receive recognition and praise or gifts.
- I do not ask others to meet my needs or desires.
- I value others’ approval of my thinking, feelings and behaviour over my own.
- I do not perceive myself as a lovable or worthwhile person.
- I compromise my own values and integrity to avoid rejection or others’ anger.
- I am very sensitive to how others are feeling and feel the same.
- I am extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long.
- I value others’ opinions and feelings more than my own and am afraid to express differing opinions and feelings of my own.
- I put aside my own interests and hobbies in order to do what others want.
- I accept sex when I want love.
- I believe most other people are incapable of taking care of themselves.
- I attempt to convince others of what they ‘should’ think and how they ‘truly’ feel.
- I become resentful when others will not let me help them.
- I freely offer others advice and directions without being asked.
- I lavish gifts and favours on those I care about.
- I use sex to gain approval and acceptance.
- I have to be ‘needed’ in order to have a relationship with others.
Copyright © 1998 Co-Dependents Anonymous, Incorporated and its licensors – All Rights Reserved.