First off, let me say, CoDA [Codependents Anonymous] doesn’t technically have a “Laundry List”.  They call it simply “Patterns and Characteristics of CoDependence”, but that just didn’t work for for me as a page title.  What follows is the list found on the www.coda-uk.org website.

Patterns and Characteristics of Co-Dependence

We suggest that it might be helpful to think of the notations: always, usually, sometimes or never, as one evaluates each item on the checklist.

Denial Patterns:

  • I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling.
  • I minimize, alter or deny how I truly feel.
  • I perceive myself as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well being of others.

Low Self-Esteem Patterns:

  • I have difficulty making decisions.
  • I judge everything I think, say or do harshly, as never ‘good enough’.
  • I am embarrassed to receive recognition and praise or gifts.
  • I do not ask others to meet my needs or desires.
  • I value others’ approval of my thinking, feelings and behaviour over my own.
  • I do not perceive myself as a lovable or worthwhile person.

Compliance Patterns:

  • I compromise my own values and integrity to avoid rejection or others’ anger.
  • I am very sensitive to how others are feeling and feel the same.
  • I am extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long.
  • I value others’ opinions and feelings more than my own and am afraid to express differing opinions and feelings of my own.
  • I put aside my own interests and hobbies in order to do what others want.
  • I accept sex when I want love.

Control Patterns:

  • I believe most other people are incapable of taking care of themselves.
  • I attempt to convince others of what they ‘should’ think and how they ‘truly’ feel.
  • I become resentful when others will not let me help them.
  • I freely offer others advice and directions without being asked.
  • I lavish gifts and favours on those I care about.
  • I use sex to gain approval and acceptance.
  • I have to be ‘needed’ in order to have a relationship with others.

Copyright © 1998 Co-Dependents Anonymous, Incorporated and its licensors – All Rights Reserved.

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2 Responses to “CoDA Laundry List”

  1. sue scullion Says:

    Coda has expanded on this list and also includes recovery patterns

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