The Laundry List Kindle Edition    (  <–  click on link to Amazon)

I am so glad to finally be able to share this with everyone!  This is the original book written by Tony A. that began the Adult Children of Alcoholics movement.  This is where you will find the 12 steps that Tony developed.  Tony A.’s life story and how he came to create the ACoA group.  This is available as a Kindle ebook for $9.99.  Please get a copy and enjoy.  Much of the information on this blog was quoted from this book.

Just Lexxie, Chatter’in Again

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I am so glad to be able to share this information with everyone.  There is actually an ACA Retreat!  This is the 28th year for the ACA Mingus Mountain Retreat just outside of Prescott, Arizona.  Who Knew!!   We ACA’s are not always the best at tooting our own horns…  lol

The Mingus Mountain Retreat is located just outside of Prescott, Arizona.  The retreat will be held September 6-8th, 2013.

Please go check out all the details for this retreat on the Arizona Intergroup Website.   Everyone have a good time!!

Just Lexxie,
Chatterin’ Again


I bet this is the ONLY place on the internet that you will find this news flash!!

In the last couple of weeks I have had a couple of emails from Carline, Tony A.’s widow and she gave me permission to announce to everyone that she is in the process of getting Tony’s book, The Laundry List, reprinted…  HALLELUJAH!!!

I just checked Amazon.com yesterday and prices for a used copy of Tony’s book range from $30 all the way up to $184 for a USED copy.

Over the years, several have asked me about my progress in finding the copyright holders.  They have also asked if I had any information about Tony’s book being reprinted.  Now I can clearly state, YES, I have been successful in contacting the legitimate copyright holder, Tony’s widow, Carline.  Yes, I have news about the book getting reprinted.

I don’t have any kind of a timeline as to when this might actually hit the marketplace, but I am hoping that Carline will let us know when she has a release date for the reprint.

So, again, YEAH!!!  I am so glad that this is finally going to happen.

Just Lexxie,Chatterin’ Again!


We started with a coffee pot and 4 people.  Our group is now 8 months old and growing strong with over 14 members on our roster.  Our meetings are averaging 8-10 members a week with 1-2 new members arriving every month. 

We are grateful to another 12-Step fellowship for allowing us to rent meeting space for a nominal fee.  This is helping us to follow the 7th Tradition of being self-supporting. 

While our group is growing, we are having consistent business meetings using the Traditions to give us a strong foundation for out future growth.  Input from all members is welcome at our business meetings.  

Come check us out, we love meeting new people!

Lexxie


geez, I am sitting here on the fence, getting splinters in very uncomfortable places…  if ya’know what I mean…  lol

I know many ACoA’s feel very threatened when a polar opinion comes up, so please don’t take offense or feel challenged by what I am about to say. I am not trying to decide this issue pro or con for anyone else. I am not trying to declare that anyone is wrong about this, which ever way they feel, however, several questions immediately pop into my head about this issue.

In this day and age I think anonymity is well on its’ way to becoming a double edged sword. I am, by no means, proclaiming that everyone go out and shout from the rooftops, “I AM A MEMBER OF (12 step program of your choice) AA, ACOA, NA, CA, etc, etc. AND I can completely agree that anonymity is a big deal within the 12 Step Programs. I have chosen to maintain my anonymity here on this blog, but, I am getting to the point where I have very mixed feelings about anonymity and 12 Step programs and personal recovery.

Anonymity was built into the programs in a day and age where there were very severe consequences in your life and your work world if you admitted to being an alcoholic or a drug addict. You instantly became “untrustworthy”. When in fact, the opposite was probably more the case. By admitting to being an addict or an alcoholic, you then, hopefully, began to behave in a more trustworthy manner because you knew people would be watching you more closely now that they had someone to blame things on. “oh, it was that drunk, Joey, he did it! I always knew there was somethin’ funny about him!” In many ways, unfortunately, a lot of those consequences still exist in our world today.

There is also the issue of proclaiming to the world “ I am an alcoholic and I got sober in AA” and 5 days, or months, or years later, getting arrested for another DUI and getting it splattered across the front page of the paper, or the internet home page of your choice. It does give a bad name to the program, or does it? Is it the fault of the program that didn’t work or the individuals just being human if they relapse… It seems as though no one is really interested in what was going on with the individual that they got into a place where the best option they came up with was to get drunk again. Isn’t it more about what they do about that relapse that counts than the fact that they relapsed in the first place? There is a saying that I don’t remember where I picked up, but it goes something like, “it is not about what happens to you in life, it’s about how you handle it” So by relapsing and then picking yourself up and saying, “Hey, this isn’t working for me any better this time than it did the last time I tried it!” and then doing something positive about it… like going through rehab again or going back to the meetings that saved your life the first time around. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we lived in a world where people put more emphasis on what you do when bad things happen than the fact that something bad happened in the first place. Where would Tiger Woods be if people said, “ok, you messed up, now how are you going to change your behavior, what are you going to do differently, how are you going to fix this?” But NO, everyone wants to know all the gory details, how many were there, where did they meet, how long has this been going on? We seem to all have some ACOA in us as I see it.

Does anyone REALLY have anonymity in this day and age? What with the internet, facebook, myspace, and the biggest offender of them all in regards to personal privacy/anonymity, TWITTER? Just because a website or a forum has a password system on it, doesn’t mean that no one can get into it without a password. Or that they can’t just PRETEND, and say all the right things and get into the forum and get their own password. How many databases is my information in, my surfing preferences on the internet, what I am chatting about? These can all be accessed if someone wants to badly enough. It is just that most of the time, with most individuals no one cares that much what the heck I am chattering about… lol

Isn’t anonymity, in fact, in direct conflict with learning how to break the ACA family rule of “Don’t Talk”? How do I keep this big secret about what I am doing with myself now that I am in recovery and not doing the things I used to do anymore? How do I resolve this conflict?

What about all the individuals who wear ANY kind of recovery jewelry? The camel pins, the triangle rings, etc, etc… or the bumper stickers that you can get at conventions? Aren’t all of these methods of breaking anonymity? And yet an entire industry has grown around all of it. You can even turn an AA sobriety coin into a key chain bob if you want to… Most of the people who see the pin, or key chain bob, or ring, aren’t going to know what they signify unless they are in some way connected to recovery themselves. I sure didn’t know what those items were about even after I got into recovery, until I started asking questions.

Then there is the fact that all of the steps and traditions are simply GUIDELINES, there are no governing bodies, entities, individuals within the 12 Step structures, so doesn’t it all boil down to a personal decision? As a matter of fact, the entire program is a program of suggestion… isn’t it? And who am I to become that “governing body” that says, “you bad person, you are breaking your anonymity”.

Isn’t part of the tremendous growth of ALL of the 12 Step programs simply about more people finding out that there is a way to learn how to live without addictions and dysfunctional family styles… Isn’t part of that growth BECAUSE people are speaking out about this wonderful thing that they discovered called a 12 Step Program? How many adolescents lives have been saved because their rock star idol got clean? Or their sports hero came clean and talked about how he did it, with a 12 step program…

Just Lexxie, chattering away again!

Chatter back! Let me know what YOU think about this one.


In the Big Red Book for Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families you will find this list of 25 questions.  They can help you determine if alcoholism or other family dysfunction existed in your family.  If your parents did not drink, your grandparents may have drank and passed on the disease of family dysfunction to your parents.  These questions can offer you insight into some of the ways children are affected by growing up with a problem drinker even years after leaving the home.  These questions also apply to adults growing up in homes where food, sex, workaholism, or ultra-religious abuse occurred.  Many foster children, now adults, also relate to these questions.

1.  Do you recall anyone drinking or taking drugs or being involved in some other behavior that you now believe could be dysfunctional?

2.  Did you avoid bringing friends to your home because of drinking or some other dysfunctional behavior in the home?

3.  Did one of your parents make excuses for their other parent’s drinking or other behaviors?

4.  Did your parents focus on each other so much that they seemed to ignore you?

5.  Did your parents or relatives argue constantly?

6.  Were you drawn into arguments or disagreements and asked to choose sides with one parent or relative against another?

7.  Did you try to protect your brothers or sisters against drinking or other behavior in the family?

8.  As an adult, do you feel immature?  Do you feel like you are a child inside?

9.  As an adult, do you believe you are treated like a child when you interact with your parents?   Are you continuing to live out a childhood role with your parents?

10.  Do you believe that it is your responsibility to take care of your parents’ feelings or worries?  Do other relatives look to you to solve their problems?

11.  Do you fear authority figures and angry people?

12.  Do you constantly seek approval or praise but have difficulty accepting a compliment when one comes your way?

13.  Do you see most forms of criticism as a personal attack?

14.  Do you over commit yourself and then feel angry when others do not appreciate what you do?

15.  Do you think you are responsible for the way another person feels or behaves?

16.  Do you have difficulty identifying feelings?

17.  Do you focus outside yourself for love or security?

18.  Do you involve yourself in the problems of others?  Do you feel more alive when there is a crisis?

19.  Do you equate sex with intimacy?

20.  Do you confuse love and pity?

21.  Have you found yourself in a relationship with a compulsive or dangerous person and wonder how you got there?

22.  Do you judge yourself without mercy and guess at what is normal?

23.  Do you behave one way in public and another way at home?

24.  Do you think your parents had a problem with drinking or taking drugs?

25.  Do you think you were affected by the drinking or other dysfunctional behavior of your parents or family?

If you answered “yes” to three or more of these questions, you may be suffering from the effects of growing up in an alcoholic or other dysfunctional family.  Please take the time to attend our ACA meeting or find one in your area to learn more.


I have been working on adding what Tony said in his book, The Laundry List about each of his steps.  You can find this on the pages for each individual step.

The way that I am doing this is putting Tony’s step, then what he said about it and next is the comparable Alanon step and eventually I will put what Alanon says about their step.

Hopefully, by looking at each one individually and then blending the two it will be helpful in figuring out what each of the steps is about and how to work with them.  Leave me a message and let me know if you like the idea or think it is stupid….  lol… not that that will stop me…  but it could start a great discussion…  Later, Lexxie

*If anyone holding a current legitimate copyright, has issues with this or anything else from the book, “The Laundry List” being copied on this blog, please contact me directly and I would be happy to discuss this with you.  I have attempted to find the legitimate copyright holders, however with the anonymity of the 12 Step program I have been unable to locate them.