We Either Become Alcoholics, Marry Them Or Both – Or Find Another Compulsive Personality, Such As A Workaholic, To Fulfill Our Sick Abandonment Needs.
If we make a careful survey of those close to us, family and non-family, it probably won’t take too much effort to notice that sometimes we are drawn to, befriend or become attracted to alcoholics or other addictive people. Emotionally healthy individuals with a solid sense of self-esteem do not usually link up with alcoholic, compulsive or emotionally ill individuals. Sometimes the fixers and rescuers, who have very cleverly concealed their own personality problems, marry or couple with an alcoholic in a vain effort to gain control or self-esteem through the process of rescue.
Conversely many depend and addictive people have been known to reach out for rescuing by turning to those who closely resemble their most abusive parent. While the rational world would expect a mistreated child to stay well clear of an abusive romantic partnership, experience says otherwise. Pain and abuse are familiar to most ACoAs and often they feel almost comfortable in an abusive environment or relationship that resembles what they experienced in childhood.
Alcoholics and workaholics are seldom capable of being supportive to another person because their compulsive/addictive behavior acts to block their feelings. For many the addiction is the way of not feeling the feelings. Thus a parent or partner who purposely gets drunk is making a statement: “I am now emotionally abandoning myself, my mate and /or my children.” When we become involved with an addictive person, we are at some level seeking that familiar abandonment we experienced as children.
Excerpt from Chapter 4 – The Recovery Process in The Laundry List by Tony A. and Dan F.