We Live Life From The Viewpoint Of Victims And Are Attracted By That Weakness In Our Love And Friendship Relationships.
All ACoAs are truly victims. We view and approach life from that posture. We are readily attuned to and empathetic with kindred sufferers. Indeed there is almost a sixth sense that guides our affiliation and socializing process.
It is quite natural for victims to be attracted to other victims. Identification is often almost instantaneous; and those of us who are fixers and rescuers leap at the opportunity to become involved in attempting to strengthen and nourish another unfortunate. We fail to understand that we often do so as a means of escaping our own pain and turmoil, in the belief that by putting the focus on another we will somehow solve the many ACoA issues that confront us.
Often we act out the role of victim over and over again. Being victimized has a bittersweet familiarity and provides a consistent identity. The challenge for ACoAs is to recognize the many ways in which we perpetuate the behavior of a victim, sell ourselves short or discount our personal value.
Once we are aware of our sabotage efforts we can slowly begin the task of making healthy decisions that move us steadily away from the distress of low self-esteem. It’s not an easy task but it does become less difficult with daily practice. Victims usually feel helpless about their lives. Healthy, esteem-building actions bring a more positive outlook and usually a more sensible selection of partners and friends.
Excerpt from Chapter 4 – The Recovery Process in The Laundry List by Tony A. and Dan F.